Thoughts on Writing About Other People Online

And now for perhaps one of the more painful posts I've written for BlogHer University: My thoughts on writing about other bloggers online.

It's tempting to say, "just don't do it," but the response piece is an important part of blogging. The voice-y part of what we do engenders a response, most often in the comments. Sometimes you have too much to say for just a comment, and you don't want to hijack the whole post with your response.

So you write on your own blog, or a platform like BlogHer. And you publish. And sometimes you get blowback. If you've been writing online for more than five minutes you know exactly what I'm talking about.

I've written response pieces on girlfriends with eating disorders, the New York Times ballet critic accusing the Sugar Plum Fairy of being too fat, and whether or not mommybloggers bring tragedy on themselves by sharing so much about their lives. Other things, too, but those are the three that stand out in my mind after almost ten years of writing for BlogHer.

The only one I regretted was this one.

After I blogged my response to Lisa Belkin's piece on Motherlode in 2011, I dropped a link in the comments section of Motherlode to let her know I'd done it. At the time, it was a professional courtesy, but looking back maybe it was my gut telling me I wasn't confident I was reading her right.

She commented back to me, and the last paragraph killed me dead:

I have developed a very thick skin writing Motherlode for two years. But the idea that you think that I just wrote an essay saying women who blog somehow deserve what they get is upsetting and insulting and simply wrong. I didn't write it. I don't think it. It is the complete antithesis of I stand for.

I felt terrible. I actually still feel terrible. I honestly read her wrong, but that she was so upset really made me question my professional guidelines on this topic. So! Despite my trepidation about taking it on, I think it's important we discuss writing about other people online. Here's my advice.

It can feel like celebrities or politicians or journalists are above the fray and don't read their own press, but this video of celebrities reading mean tweets about them proves that's not true. (There's a whole series that'll make you cry-laugh.)

In my family, we have a hand signal for sarcasm. It's like when people do air quotes but it's sort of like glee club hands.

Part of the problem is that my dad and my sister are really dry, and my mom isn't. Part of the problem is that depending on the day, I can cry at the drop of a hat.

There were a few Christmases when my sister and I had Cry Tallies because it happened so often.

There should be a punctuation mark for irony. Oh, wait, there is. But it's not on your keyboard, of course.

If you are being sarcastic about someone else, don't assume they'll realize you're joking. And saying, "But I was just joking!" after they get their feelings hurt takes us all back to ninth grade, right?

Don't state something as a fact without linking it. Don't libel. Make it clear whatever you are saying is your opinion only, and be prepared to stand behind it. That said, if you say something so awful it should be deleted, then delete it and make sure you issue an apology instead of ghosting the whole situation. Chances are good someone took a screenshot or it's in the Wayback Machine, anyway.

People are people. No matter how rich, famous or beautiful you are, you can still get your feelings hurt. So if you're going to comment on something someone did, remember they are people, too, and anything you write can hurt their feelings. You may not care, but you have to be honest about that with yourself before you hit publish.

If you got it wrong, you got it wrong. It happens. Just because you did it in public doesn't mean you're so different from anyone else. Apologies go a long way, so never let embarrassment or pride stop you from saying you're sorry if you unintentionally hurt someone else.

I'm pretty sure I've said it before, but just in case, I'm really sorry, Lisa.

Rita Arens is the author of the young adult novel THE OBVIOUS GAME & the managing editor of BlogHer.com.

Source: Thoughts on Writing About Other People Online